I got this email from work with the subject line: “Statistics that will make you feel good”. So read on and see if it comfort your rage on the soaring gas prices lately.

Hi Everybody,

During my recent visit to India, we were at a petrol station filling the car’s fuel tank, and I thought fuel has become really expensive after the recent price hike. But then I compared it with other common liquids and did some quick calculations, and I felt a little better.

To know why, see the results below – you’ll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are !

Diesel (regular) in Mumbai : Rs.36.08 per litre

Petrol (speed) in Mumbai : Rs.52 per litre

Coca Cola 330 ml can : Rs.20 = Rs.61 per litre

Dettol antiseptic 100 ml: Rs.20 = Rs.200 per litre

Radiator coolant 500 ml: Rs.160 = Rs.320 per litre

Pantene conditioner 400 ml: Rs.165 = Rs.413 per litre

Medicinal mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml: Rs.45 = Rs. 450 per litre

Red Bull 150 ml can : Rs.75 = Rs.500 per litre

Corex cough syrup 100 ml: Rs.57 = Rs. 570 per litre

Evian water 500 ml: Rs. 330 = Rs. 660 per litre

Rs. 660 for a litre of WATER???!!! And the buyers don’t even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Kores whiteout 15 ml: Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre

Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 150 ml: Rs. 175 = Rs. 1167 per litre

Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml: Rs. 175 = Rs. 1750 per litre

Pure almond oil 25 ml: Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre

And this is the REAL KICKER…

HP deskjet colour ink cartridge 21 ml: Rs.1900 = Rs. 90476 per litre!!!

So, the next time you’re at the pump, don’t curse OPEC or your local government - just be glad your car doesn’t run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee or God forbid, PRINTER INK!!

An old woman was stopped by the traffic officer for speeding…

Old Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Old Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Old Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Old Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Old Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Old Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Old Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Old Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle he car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! Drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Old Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Old Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Old Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

*****

What a good way to make me smile on a hectic work week!

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!”, he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out “Oh my God!….” Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky,

“You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don”t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ….. brought both paws together…bowed his head and spoke:

“Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”

I had to post this one before going out and be excited to see if it rained or not…

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, “Let’s talk. I”ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, “What would you like to talk about?”

Oh, I don’t know,” said the guy. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff… grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

The guy thought about it and said, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the girl replied, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don”t know sh*t?”