I’m not the captain of my ship

200916Aug

by Grace

baby-mom-handI should be in the hospital right about now, wearing fluffy rabbit slippers, flannel pajamas and a really big bra.

But I am not.

I am not in a place with boring white walls and smelling of ammonia and there’s no IV drip on my wrist. I should be swinging back and forth the corridor every 2-3 hours to feed a tiny human being, shuffling from my hospital bed to the nursery, just like 6 years ago or pumping my breasts like I’m milking a cow.

Instead I am here in my work desk, writing this post. I wish I was at home, folding pink flannels.

When we decided to give a  go at another pregnancy I was ready and thought I’ll be pregnant before the dawn breaks but I am not. It pains me that I am not. I’ve done this the first time – it was easy as a click of the mouse and I know the ropes. I am ready to do it again.

Who knew baby making getting pregnant is rocket science?

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

1 mannequin August 16, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Well, the rocket DOES have to be pointed in the exact location and the conditions must be perfect so … yea, I guess sometimes it is rocket science.

I sure wish you were hospitalized. In a good way.

LOL! I wish I never wrote the word “ROCKET”.

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2 Maribeth August 16, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Don’t give up the ship yet. Go in and see your gynecologist. Make sure that all is well. When I got pregnant with Amanda, after several years of infertility, they ended up doing a D&C to clear things out. Bam! 6 weeks later I was pregnant! Then came Katie, no problem.
But by the time I married Hubby it was not meant to be. (Terrible Endometriosis!)

I was diagnosed with having Endometriosis before getting married but didn’t have probs with conceiving Pristine…

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3 Desert Songbird August 16, 2009 at 11:20 pm

It seems like pregnancy waits the more we want it. Try to relax; it might help speed things up!

I know I need to chill..and chilling isn’t one of my best fortes…

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4 Charlotte (Life's a Charm) August 17, 2009 at 1:20 am

for us, great timing has always been the key! to conceive, you got to do it. you can’t do it if you don’t have the time for it. and if all else fails, try the ovulation kit! it worked for us before…
be patient! it will happen.

Haven’t tried the ovulation kit (expensive, right!?) but I am charting my basal body temp. Yes, we do take the time to do the chore. Still nothing.

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5 Janmary, N Ireland August 17, 2009 at 1:58 am

No advice – just hugs and prayers

Thank you very much. You are very blessed to have all those beautiful children!

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6 Michelle L August 17, 2009 at 4:38 am

I totally feel for you! I lost 2 babies and then couldn’t get pregnant for 2 years after that. Then when I stopped trying, BAM here came Ella. So try not to stress about it, even though that is easier said than done! My fingers are crossed for you!

Thank you, Michelle. Life is so full of surprises! I am glad to know you finally had your precious Ella after those years of frustration and trying.

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7 Kayla August 17, 2009 at 6:29 am

Aw, I’m so sorry your having a rough time of things! It’s just not meant to be at this point in time I suppose.
Just keep at it and I bet you will have a little bundle of joy in no time :D
Have you tried some alternative therapy techniques? I know some herbs are good for concieving and I’ve also heard that positive feedback and visualization are powerful things as well.
I’ll keep searching for some other things you could try!

I’ll keep the visualization practice, maybe one day it’ll come true.

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8 Monica @ DailyDwelling August 17, 2009 at 8:35 am

I’m so sorry and I’m praying for you.

Thank you. Hurts me though to see and hear Pristine praying every single night for a baby to come to mom’s tummy!!

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9 Jax August 17, 2009 at 8:50 am

How long have you been trying for? Have you been to see your gynae?

Keep trying ;-)

Trying since November 2008. I haven’t been to any doctor yet. If I am not yet preggers until the end of this year, I’ll go.
Meanwhile, I’ll follow your advise..and sing ala-Dory of Nemo..just keep trying, just keep trying..keep trying, trying, trying…

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10 Kelly B August 17, 2009 at 10:45 am

I hope and pray that a beautiful baby will happen again to you soon. Keep your spirits up. :)

Thanks, Kelly. I guess in HIS time

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11 Jewelz August 17, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Same advice as a few others….no words, just support. I do empathize with you. I have pregnant belly envy. I wonder why it is SO easy for others, then I realize there are others out there who are experiencing the same ‘sucky’ feeling that I am feeling.

xXxJewelz

It was so easy for my mother, six times over! Oh seven since she miscarried one baby…
Today, I am just thankful that I have one…I guess better than having nothing at all. Thank you for your kind words.

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12 Paula August 17, 2009 at 7:00 pm

you’re in my prayers. the time will come.

Thank you for your kind words, Paula…at this point in time, I thought I should just be thankful that I have one. Better than no baby at all.

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13 Michelle Jadaa August 17, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Relax and enjoy the trying:)It will happen when its the right time.

About the “trying” part..sometimes I get tired especially when I think, nothing will come out of it! LOL

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14 willowsprite August 17, 2009 at 11:55 pm

Oh, Grace, sorry for your disappointment. I have a friend who has secondary infertility (they have one son, but can’t seem to have more). I know your pain (albeit vicariously). Keep trying, I’ll pray for you!

The mention of the word “infertility” sends shivers through my spine. I have not taken any birth control medication, ever so I hope nothing medically-speaking is affecting my system down there…

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15 TheAngelForever August 18, 2009 at 12:45 am

If I have learned anything with trying to conceive, you never know what can happen. I also have endometriosis and like you was extremely blessed the first time around. Sending lots of hugs your way and hope that you have good news soon.

Thank you so much. I guess at this point, it’s better to be thankful for what we have rather than sulk at what we don’t have.

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16 1955nurse August 18, 2009 at 2:46 am

Hang in there! Once you have done all you can health-wise and are sure everything is in order that way, TRY to relax! Everyone I know that’s had trouble has said that when they quit trying so hard, ooops! A + pregnacy test! Good luck!

Thanks. I will chill a bit I think…and concentrate more on losing weight instead…

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17 Lorie Shewbridge August 18, 2009 at 8:49 am

Just sending love and hugs, for you, hubby, and Pristine…

Thanks, Lorie.

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